Thursday, August 28, 2008

Shopping beautiful?

Alright, its sharing time. I am a shopaholic! I love to shop and delight in spending my hubby's hard-earned money. He continually lectures me on curbing these outbreaks. A while back he and I had it out and I really came to understand a little more about myself.

When I was thin and in shape (see photo to the left) I didn't do a lot of shopping/buying. I would occasionally try on clothes and then hang them back up, rarely buying things. Make-up was always kept to a minimum and I had maybe 2 bottles of perfume that kept me content. Now? Well, I have more shoes than I ever thought I'd own, I have a TON of makeup (five full acrylic organizers worth and two of the older large Mary Kay big compaqs), hair products galor, and a shelf full of perfume (I think close to 10 varieties). But one thing that remains close to the same is my amount of clothing. I have more than enough, but usually stick to about 2 wks worth of my clothes.

I believe now that I think I can buy myself beautiful. Before I could put on anything in my closet and feel gorgeous. Nowadays however, I find myself trying on outfit after outfit looking for something that doesn't inspire my fav saying, "Things that make you say MOO!" I shop and feel better about myself, physically. I spend close to an hour getting my hair and makeup just right. I pick through my perfumes until I find one that reflects my current mood. I know that none of my clothing is going to miraculously make me appear 20 lbs thinner (no matter how much I suck it in, or what industrial strength tools I utilize).

Perhaps by doing my make-up to look like the pictures in the magazines I am trying to distract from the disturbing number of chins I've developed. Or if my feet look cute in my shiny patent leather hot pink stilettos then you won't notice my less than spectacular thighs. Or if I smell like Kate Winslet supposedly smells (What, don't think she wears the fragrances she promotes?) then a cute boy will find me utterly irresistible and the pinnacle of sexiness. All that, I'm not totally 100% on, but I know that I spend far more these days than when I was a size 10 and considered skinny.

For this reason, as I'm sure you can guess, the hubby can't wait for me to get back into shape. Who knows, guess time will tell. But can I tell you something funny? Got ya here, why not! Whenever hubby and I have sex, I'm SKINNY and SUPER sexy!! I actually FEEL like I've lost the 100 pounds. I close my eyes and enjoy it. I don't feel my personal bakery flying everywhere, I don't notice those less than appealing things about myself. I feel GREAT! One day I'll be able to keep my eyes open the whole time and see with my eyes what I see with my mind.


Anonymous said...

Dorsey, this post is faboo! The insights you've gotten into yourself are great. I wish you had gotten one more: You already are beautiful! Look at that smile in your pic and the sparkle in your eyes! Read your writing with the humor and honesty all at once! I know we look at our bodies and go "yuck" but I hope you take a good long look at yourself and see you as others see you -- even if just for a minute...

Cool on the feeling sexy and skinny when you're having sex! That's when I most feel like a lumbering ox.

By the way, shoes? Necessary to life, or at least the enjoyment of it! ;-) The very MINUTE my feet are a little less wide, I'm going NUTSO for shoes!

Dawn said...

Very good post. Some great insight shared. I do agree that we over compensate in other areas to make us feel better about ourselves.

And, honey, if I felt the way you do about sex I think I'd be having it all the time! LOL (Sadly, I don't.)

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