Spoiled?

For today I'm going to take a little aside from talk of dieting and exercise and write about something that has been heavy on my mind and REALLY having doing a number on my moods as of late.

So when you grew up never having heard the word budget how to you become a frugal adult? I wouldn't say I was an overindulged youngster. (Hmmm...is that what all spoiled kids say? Ha!) I wasn't really into labels growing up. In my household I don't ever remember seeing the 'rents balancing a checkbook or making a grocery list from a store circular. I went to college right out of high school (OK, Jr college) and towards the end of my freshman year I met the man that would become my husband the next fall. This man had been on his own for 6 years (out of his parents' home, with student loans, a job, and a weekend warrior with the Army Reserves. Man, talk about grown up!!

During our first few years I thought I was Superwoman and could do the whole budget, keeping house, keeping up with the bills, and be the best wife and mother EVER thing. We wound up in the red in the bank and having the biggest fight we'd had up to that point. I couldn't do it and that crushed me. Sadly, with my husband's growing salary I thought we could live high on the hog and soon learned that this was not the case. We still needed to budget and I needed to NOT spend so much of our money!

But how do you learn to budget when you've never been taught and seems like every inch of your fiber is fighting against it?!?! I know things would be much better between the Hubby and I if I could master this task. And I know that I would be a happier person and likely feel more like I am contributing in a tangible way to this household.

I feel like a small child when I want to grab a bite to eat for lunch away from the house when I'm on my own during the day. I feel like I should go home and sit in a time out chair or do some other penance for my misdeeds. I sold several bags of books to Half Price Books and find myself having to explain myself for buying my son dinner before he heads off to do chains for a JV football game instead of making him wait until he gets home 4-5 hours later to eat something. How do I change my way of thinking about money and budgets without feeling like I'm changing who I am? How do I stop crying and alienating my husband every couple of days because I feel like I can't measure up to his idea of a good manager of our money?