First...er...uhm...well steps anyways

So first let me start off by saying I apologize for my rant last night. It was a truly tear-filled evening. I went to bed and Hubby and I talked for about an hour about several things (money, habits, love, relationships, weight loss). I DO believe that I've had a few breakthroughs in the past 24 hours.

Hubby has agreed to go for walks with me in the mornings. I think this will really help, as so many times I've felt like I'm all alone in my efforts. No one else really enjoys exercising in this house and all too often no one is available on any kind of regular basis at night to do so.

I also went into our game closet in the gameroom and got out our Dance Dance Revolution pad. I turned on the Wii, got everything hooked up and started the game. I did this for about 30 minutes (I've never played at home and I found it to be a REALLY extensive workout, for sure!) and then the family joined me. We all played a couple of songs and then decided to go to the neighborhood pool. We stayed there for about an hour or so. Did I mention we walked there? (Its about 1/2 - 3/4 of a mile) We came back home (walking again) and then had dinner.

After dinner was over I went upstairs and got a board game for the family to play. We played a game called Cashflow, its a game developed by a motivational speaker of sorts. It teaches about passive income, investments, bills, and many other financial aspects. We had a nice time and I think the kids might have even learned a thing or two in the process.

After the game everyone went their separate ways and I decided to play some more Dance Dance Revolution. So I put in about another 30 minutes or so and worked up as good sweat. ALL good exercise for today!!

I ate pretty well today, and chose water to drink all except for breakfast when I had a small glass of milk. I've decided to switch from full-sized dinner plates to a smaller plate. This was I'll be able to better control my portions and not feel compelled to fill the whole plate ad then devour everything therein. If I head out to eat, either with the family or with friends, I'll ask for a to-go box right away so that I can divide my plate in half before I even begin eating.

I am happy to report that even though our vacation got somewhat canceled, the kids took it well (Hubby told them) and we're going to work on budgeting and being a healthier family this week. We are planning a trip to the farm house later in the week to drop off the camper. And then at the end of the week we're going to my sister's home to get some furniture that belongs to my parents for our house here.

So I'll say goodnight for now my friends. Thank you so listening.

Need taller boots..STAT!!!

Well, I've gone and done it now. I've stepped in it over my head and regular wading boots just won't cut it. On top of my worry over my weight loss failures of late, I've royally screwed us in our finances. I've tried to take over the bills and such, but my doing so has almost gotten us into the red in the bank. So tonight Hubby and I sat down and looked at several things. I have cried more times than I care to, I'm even struggling not to burst into tears now.

We cannot afford to go on our planned vacation for this week. So no Frio River for us. And I feel HORRIBLE that this is all my fault!! If I'd have kept a better hold on my spending then we wouldn't be in this mess. So tomorrow morning, somehow, I have to tell our children that we're not going on vacation.

I think I'll try to go to bed now. Hubby's just left my side and headed to bed himself. Although I fear I'll just cry more down there with him, I need to sleep. A winning lottery ticket would REALLY help things right about now. Ah well, I guess its time to take my medicine like a big girl.

Vacation time?

For several years now I've occasionally taken a hiatus from my weight loss journey. I've almost always felt guilty about that when I muster up the courage to step on the scale and find myself with more pounds than I'd anticipated gaining on my time off. So I guess the short of it is that I understand that true weight loss efforts don't get a vacation!

This next week the family (all four of us) are heading to the Frio River here in Texas for a little vacay! We're also going to New Braunfels to hang out as well. The only worry in all of this is the lack of exercise involved in floating the river. I mean, I really don't think that laying on an innertube for hours on end and drifting down in the cool waters burns all that many calories. So I guess its kind of a good thing that the bathrooms an showers are a little bit of a jaunt from our camp site. I'll just have to drink LOTS of water and make sure I need to make trips to the bathrooms often while we're in camp. So this week consists of cleaning the house, doing laundry, and packing.

Usually I wouldn't put so much effort into my cleaning efforts, but supposedly my parents are following us back to the house and staying for a couple of weeks. At the end of our vacation we're going to bring back a lot of their furniture to keep in our house (a couple of beds, chaise lounger, dresser, kitchen table, etc...). So maybe if I do a lot of running up and down the stairs this week it'll make up for some of my laziness next week.

Last week the kids and I went camping at Lake Somerville near College Station with my parents. We were there for seven days and had a fantastic time!! We got to spend some time with my folks and enjoy being outdoors as well. I thought I'd done really well and could look forward to a downward moving scale number upon return home. I weighed a couple days ago (we got back July 21st) and the number was NOT encouraging.

What do you do while on vacation to help ensure success in your weight loss journey?

Interventions

for the past couple of nights I've been watching the show "Intervention" on A&E online. There are so many sad and tragic stores being told on this show! I begin to wonder if there is an "intervention" for folks in my situation. I am not taking drugs, drinking to excess, addicted to shopping or plastic surgery, or any other such things. But I DO believe I have an unhealthy relationship with food and exercise. Scratch that, I don't really have a relationship with exercise at all. At best, its on again - off again. The frightening thing is that I have researched more than a lot of people I know. I have read all the tips/tricks of the weight loss trade. I can give other people the answers to their own success. However, I have not put them into motion in my own life, not consistently at least.

So I sit here late at night on and wonder if tonight will be the night that I make that change in my life. I have heard over and over that with anything you have to WANT to change to do so. I have WANTED to change for YEARS, more than 13 years to be exact. I had the will power to continue through in school (college) and get my associates degree. I need to take care of myself and my own health. I can not be the best mother, wife, woman, friend, etc I am capable of being without first taking the best care of myself, no excuses!

I LOVE when people comment here and I feel, physically in every inch of my being, the support that I receive from those words.

I am trying to accept myself more these days. This is not to say that I do not need change in my life in regards to my lifestyle as it relates to food and exercise. But I'm trying to see that there are great things in me at EVERY weight!! I have stopped coloring my hair. I DO have some gray hairs, and I've decided to embrace them. I earned each and every one of them. They are evidence of my 35+ years of life and the good, bad, and truly awesome times I have experienced along the way.

Thank you friends for your words of encouragement! Through your words, the help of my family, friends, myself, and God I WILL accomplish ALL my goals!!

Definitions

Every wonder what defines you in the eyes of other people? I have come to wonder this many times over the past few months. Am I defined by the fact that I'm a mother and wife? Am I defined by the fact that I do not have a job that pays money? Am I defined by the fact that I am an overweight woman? Am I defined by my house and home?

There are nine definitions found on dictionary.com when I searched the word woman. They are as follows:
1. the female human being (distinguished from man).

2. an adult female person.

3. a female attendant to a lady of rank.

4. a wife.

5. the nature, characteristics, or feelings often attributed to women; womanliness.

6. a sweetheart or paramour; mistress.

7. a female employee or representative: A woman from the real estate agency called.

8. a female person who cleans house, cooks, etc.; housekeeper: The woman will be in to clean today.

9. women collectively: Woman is no longer subordinate to man.

I have yet to start a regular exercise routine, though I have been waking my son and husband so that they can go run on a regular basis. Most mornings I wake up between 4:00am and 5:00am. I don't typically go back to bed and wait for the alarm to go off at either 6:00am or 7:00am. I wander upstairs, log onto the computer, and take care of miscellaneous activities there.

I do not want to be defined by my weight, yet I fear that it is more of an identifier in my life than the fact that I am a woman. I am making a promise to myself to do something about my current situation. To no longer worry about how other see me, but instead to change the way I see myself. Even when those pants I wear to work out in might be a little tighter than I'd prefer, and my shape does nothing to match the one on my screen when I exercise with EA Active, I will strive to be more. I will be more than an overweight individual, more than a woman, more than now while working to take up less space.

Scale? What scale?

It has actually been more than two months since I stepped on a scale. I'm not sure if it has something to do with the fact that my husband moved it from its normal home in the bathroom to the closet, or if it is just my own personal nonviolent protest taking place.

I have done a lot of thinking and retooling my life as of late.

I'm having to work with my son almost daily to get his grades up and keep him out of summer school. He is supposed to be going to Summer Leadership School for ROTC this as well. This starts the first week after school lets out for the year. But if he isn't able to skate by on his grades, then he won't be able to attend that either. I'd LOVE for him to be able to go take advantage of this opportunity, but I will not have him miss summer school if that is the case. I have even taken the time to plot out his next four years in school and plan on showing it to him later this week.

My daughter seems to be on the straight and narrow for the most part. She's only slacking in Math, which is somewhat of a pet peeve of mine considering I'm kind of a math geek. But overall she's holding up her end of the bargain. She isn't doing much in the way of extra-curricular, but that'll come later, I suppose. The only thing I'd change there is her willingness to help out with normal household chores, but this is something that we ALL need help with from time to time.

I've resigned myself to taking ownership of the truck recently as well. We have a pretty newer convertible that I rarely get to drive. Most days hubby takes it to work, citing the excuse of having to drive across town and requiring the vehicle that gets the better gas mileage. Personally, I believe it is simply so he can feel somewhat cool and take all his work buddies out to lunch while enjoying the warm weather, clear skies, and wind in his hair. Now, however, the truck is not running. Well it WILL run, but in essence will not stop properly. There is a leak in the brake line and hubby insists he can fix it and have me running back to new in no time. However his "no time" and mine are not exactly the same. I believe he uses this as a ploy to keep me grounded at home and away from anywhere that might take credit cards as a form of payment. QUITE annoying, I assure you! Yes, he spouts this whole..."get a job and start making car payments and you can have the convertible any time you want" b.s., but I have a sneaking suspicion that even when THAT becomes the case, there will be another convenient reason for my having to drive the truck (see gas/mileage issue from before).

But I am trying to better myself too, not just my children (however feeble that attempt may seem right now in regards to the kids). I'm trying to take a little bit of time out of every day for a bible study of sorts. This is not to say I'm meeting with other people, I'm just working through some devotional books and trying to find some personal time for just me and God. I try to go outside and sit at the picnic table if the weather is nice. Otherwise I tend to sit at the kitchen table and do my studies. I usually have some sort of notebook with me where I jot down notes about what I'm reading and my own personal thoughts on the topic. I also have been trying to write out a little prayer related to that day's readings. This has really been helping, I feel. It gives me a sense of peace about my life and helps to feed my soul.

I am continuing to work through my medical transcription online, and am hopeful that I won't need to file for an extension on the program. If I really get serious about it, I should be able to be finished by the end of July to middle of July. Then, fingers crossed, I'll be able to find employment and feel better about contributing on a monetary level in this family.

Yesterday morning, the rest of the family went out for a run. Hubby likes to run for exercise and tells me I don't know how to run (because I'm more of a jogger/walker and wasn't trained to run in the military). The boy will have to do daily runs at Summer Leadership School and the ROTC program at school is encouraging them to run on a regular basis in order to not have their system totally shocked when they get to camp. The girl says she's cool with walking, and some jogging, but isn't really keen on the whole running gig. She came back early yesterday after the initial jogging/warm-up portion of their routine. Supposedly they are going to give this another go this morning. Let's see if this time the boy comes back and goes back to bed. I'm thinking I won't let him, as I have a list of assignments that have no grades entered in the teachers' gradebooks (or rather they DO have a grade, of zero!).

I need to get back into a regular exercise regimen, as I know that will be the secret to my weight loss success. I need to commit fully a whole three months to exercising without missing any days. If I am still struggling at the end of that time, then I have thought of looking into bariatric surgery. However, I truly feel in my heart that if I were to maintain a good exercise routine and continue eating like I know I should, then surgery would definitely not be needed or warranted.

Thank you friends for being there, and I'm sorry I've been so sporadic about my posting. Right now, Renee at CutieBootyCakes is my hero!! She has done a phenomenal job of getting into shape and looks AMAZING!! Way to go, gal! I think of you daily!

Stress and Weight Loss

I often wonder how stress will affect my weight loss. I have heard on many occasions that this phenomenom will cause you to gain weight, ultimately. Historically, most people turn to food when they feel stress coning on in their lives, hence the word choice of "comfort food" to help ease your troubled mind. They grab their favorite snack or meal and just keep eating until that cozy feeling of calm washes over them. I feel differently, though. In my personal experience, when stress begins to creep into my existence, my appetite falls off. Yes, I stop eating! Not altogether mind you, but certainly less than when I'm genuinely happy with life.

However, this time, I seem to be plateauing. I think that is because when I feel these pressures, I also stop exercising. This is incredibly perplexing to me, since I know that when I exercise I seem to escape into a different world for those brief times, and my worries almost sweat off of me with the unwanted weight. I also tend to have a greater affinity for naps when I'm feeling down. This is likely brought on by the fact that my migraines increase substantially as well. So instead of taking something for the pain and trudging through, I lay down and sleep for a couple hours hoping the pain will be fooled into going away while I slumber.

I'm currently dealing with a problem that I have become all too familiar with in the past years, my son's grades/schoolwork. He's 14 years old, just days away from 15, a freshman at high school...and one of the most unmotivated kids I think I've ever encountered when it comes to schoolwork. Every day it's the same conversation: "Have any homework?" "Nope. Finished it already." Or the ever popular: "Why didn't you turn in that assignment today?" "Our teacher wasn't here, so I couldn't turn it in." Well, that school certainly needs to take some of our taxes and work on a more effective preventative program with regards to their teachers and insurance, because far too many of them get sick far too often!!

I get very little from the teachers themselves, until there's a problem, of course. But I am trying. He's asked me if I can give him two days to turn things around. Time to get several assignments turned in, get some of his failing grades up. I've informed him that if at the end of this time I do not see marked improvement, then he and I will be attending morning tutorials TOGETHER in any class where he is not currently passing. I will be sending out numerous emails in the morning to inform his teachers of this fact, as well. I would love to say that I have every faith in him that he WILL turn things around, but sadly I don't. I have religious faith, faith in things I have not seen, but this faith is going to require evidence to return.

Thank you friends, for sticking with me through this. I think tonight I'll try out a new Wii game I just got (Just Dance), on top of doing some more Wii Fit Plus.

Wii will beat this!

We got the Wii back a couple of weeks ago. Today I got the balance board working and got to try out the Wii Fit Plus game. Can I just say I LOVE this game! The added "games" are super cute!! I have yet to try out the personalized workout, but plan on giving that a shot tomorrow. I think I'll do Wii Fit every day for 30 minutes and then also do the EA Active on the scheduled days (two days on, one day off). I'm hoping that'll be enough to jump start me.

I did the body test on Wii Fit, and was pleased to see that I had not gained any in my time off of blogging. I enjoyed our Spring Break mini-vacay for sure!!! We went to my sister's/parents' and then spent some time with my in-laws. Overall we had a GREAT time and also got to see my sister and nephew break out their mad skills on Wii Fit at their house. I WISH I'd have taken video of my sister doing the Super Hula Hoop, it was HILARIOUS!!! Apparently it helps to twirl your hand above your head while hula hooping..hehehe

So I'd better get back to supper. Here's my stats for today:

Breakfast:
1 cup hot tea with TruVia
1 apple

Lunch:
3/4 cup Seafood salad
Reduced fat crackers

Snack:
1 cup frozen strawberries w/o sugar

Supper: Tuna Helper

Exercise:
35 minutes on Wii Fit Plus

Car trouble, pretty weather, and annoying men...

So this whole weekend has been REALLY nice! The weather has been around the high 60s and so I've had the windows open and enjoyed the savings in not running the heater or air conditioner. I've taken a few walks about the neighborhood and am really feeling better all around!

We currently own three cars, yes three. One is a 2000 Dodge Ram 1500 Pickup truck, one is a 2008 Chrysler Sebring Convertible, and lastly is the 1991 Chevrolet Cavalier. This last one was bought cheap to be the Hubby's work car as it used less gas than the truck when he was going to and from work. Of course, since getting the convertible THAT has become the new "work car" for him. The Cavalier has been out of commission and parked in the garage for some time now. For some reason it won't start. We've replaced spark plugs, spark plug wires, ignition coils, and more...and still nothing. This car has been earmarked for the boy. Sure, its a piece of shit, but its four wheels and so many young people DON'T have transportation upon turning 16. That having been said, I've told the boy that his dad (Hubby) is more likely to work on it if he (son) asks his dad (Hubby) to HELP him with the car. And since son's grades are less than stellar right now, and he can't get on the computer, this is really his only option for "something to do" on the weekends. They started working on the car yesterday. Today they think they have it narrowed down to the ignition module. So the saga continues... The boy turns 15 April 3rd and is hoping to have the care running by then so he can practice in the car he'll be driving. I'm just hoping the weather holds out.

Lately my husband has decided that he wants to have some fun annoying me. and the object of this annoyance is his facial hair. He's one of those guys that can grow a full on beard in a week easy. And he's had a full beard since early fall. But he decided that it was getting too itchy, the weather was warming up, and he wanted to shave it. But instead of just shaving down to a mustache (my personal preference)..he's on a hair crusade. Here's a visual:

Starting with the beard

His words: "Phase 1 of driving the wife crazy. Next phase is likely removing the thin sideburns. Suggestions?

Again his words..."Phase 2, removing the mustache 'Hetfield Light' is complete. Thanks for the suggestion, Dave!"

He knows I detest a goatee on him and now he's thinking about transitioning from a goatee to a soul patch...Ugh!! Yikes! If he were a heavier sleeper I'd shave it in his sleep!! He's posting these pictures on Facebook and asking his friends for suggestions on what he should do next. I guess my only solace is knowing that in a week's time this little "experiment" will be OVER!! Ugh!

This past week I DID send the Wii off for repairs, so hopefully it'll be back before the end of the month and I'll be able to resume Wii workouts too!!

I haven't weighed in today, likely will tomorrow. Happy dieting friends!

Planning out menus

So part of my greatest successes has come when I sat down and planned out what the family (or at the very least, the Hubby and I) would be having for dinner every night. So I sit down with a print shop program, a stack of recipe books/cards, and do just that. I try to do this a month in advance, though some times (like today) I've been too preoccupied to do so and have to wing it once in a while.

Here's a picture of one of the menu plans:


Feel free to click on the picture for a more clear view of the items listed within. If by some chance we have leftovers one night, or deviate from the plan, then I just cross it out and write the next month's name over that date. So that way that date's food just gets thrown into the rotation for the coming days.

Tonight I think I'm going to wing it with grilled chicken salads for the whole family. We all tend to really like salad nights, and I'm thrilled to say when we DO have salads, the kids even join us!! About half of the time, they turn their noses up at what I'm making and opt for a sandwich or other such quickie-food. I don't keep a lot of snack-type junk food in the house, so usually I don't mind if they choose to fend for themselves.

Well, I need to get to it and go make supper (then come back in here and work on March's menu). Happy dieting friends!