Friday, December 19, 2008

Shopping Mall Shakedown!!

So yesterday I traveled to a local mall to have my annual picture taken with Santa Claus. I head into Macy's to first say hi to one of my former co-workers and then head off to see the big man. Now for those that do not know, I made a Mrs. Claus outfit years ago and for the past 5 yrs or so have visited a different Santa every year to have my picture taken with him. I usually donned this same outfit for a holiday party I would host when I was in various Mommy groups and it was a good opportunity for friends' kids to have their picture taken with Mrs. Claus without a lot of tears as the kiddos already knew and recognized me.

So there I am, hair coiffed just so (it had been on its best behavior for me that morning!!!), makeup done at the perfect level (just the right amount of glittery sparkle), and this year I'd decided to wear my glasses instead of simply contacts and non-bespectacled. The "Dead Sea Salts" soap guy caught me first. But he was INCREDIBLY friendly!! He sent me on my way without a major sales pitch and with four free samples for "just looking so fabulous and festive". He was quite the charmer and cute to boot!! If he'd have asked a little I would have likely picked up a Christmas package of glycerin soaps for the hubby's grandmother, but my credit card stayed tucked away in my purse the whole time.

A little further down, the "flat iron/curling iron" chick snagged me. She asked what I used on my hair to style it (blow dryer, round brush, and a little hairspray) and proceeded to inform me how my hair looked bad and horribly unhealthy. I REALLY wanted to bitch slap her and inform her that I LIKED the way my hair looked when I walked in the mall. She first curled all the hair on the right side of my head, then styled the left side with a flat iron. She must have thought I was a complete idiot as she seriously believed that I had NO IDEA that you could style your hair with a flat iron. Then she went on and on and on about how their products are from Italy and have a lifetime warranty. "So if you were to go to, say Wal-mart, and purchase a flat iron. In a couple months it breaks and you have to buy another, then another couple months later that one breaks and you buy another. Now you've spent $150 dollar on three products, when you could save yourself all this trouble and have one product that is so much better for your hair." Yeah, nice try honey...I ain't buying it!!! And mind my asking, what the HELL are people doing with their flat irons that they're breaking so often?!?! I mean REALLY!!!! She went on and on..."You see this price, (quick flip of the box to reveal a $250 price tag) because you are SO creative and my first customer (yeah right chicka, its noon.....I'm NOT your first shakedown!!), I offer you a price of $99. What you think?" I think NO! So then she offers me her card with a 20% discount when I come back. And now I sit there looking in the mirror at my hair kinda flat on one side and curly on the other. I said, "Yea, before I go have my picture taken (which we'd previously discussed was my entire purpose for being in the mall that day) can we make both sides of my hair match?" She conceded the defeat and curled the other side. I was internally fuming, now my crown was FLAT and this was NOT the style I set out for when I left the house this morning. Alright, I'd already lied to this woman once and told her my daughter had one of those pixie hair cuts so she couldn't try and get me with the daughter thing. Ugh!!

So I got the picture done and was as pleased as I could be with how it turned out. This is the BEST Santa in the area, in my opinion. He's always similing and never seemed to just be "humoring" me when I show up without any kids in tow to get my picture taken. So here's the picture:

The husband took a look at the picture and made an interesting comment. There are two "glowing spheres" behind us that appear to be some angry beasty eyes peering at us from within the tree. A little scary, um, yes!!!

And I'm going to end this with a funny little exchange made between myself and a 3rd grader at the school I volunteer with (all this while I was dressed in this same costume).

3rd grader: But you're not the REAL Mrs. Claus, right?
Me: What do YOU think?
3rd grader: Your last name isn't Claus though?! Its Bell.
Me: True, but haven't you ever heard of the Christmas Bells? And besides, MY last name doesn't have to be Claus, HIS last name is Claus.
3rd grader: (showing signs of wonderment in her eyes) OK, if you ARE Mrs. Claus, what is Santa's favorite cookie?
Me: Oh, Chocolate Chip, for sure!!!
3rd grader: WOW! That's the kind I'M making!!! So does Rudolph's nose REALLY glow red?
Me: Only when he's excited about Christmas.
3rd grader: How tall are the elves?
Me: A little shorter than you, probably up to your shoulder.
3rd grader: Hmmm, those are some TALL elves. Do you ever ride in the sleigh with Santa to deliver toys?
Me: No
3rd grader: Why not?
Me: Someone has to stay behind and clean up all that mess at the North Pole from all that toy making and tuck the elves into bed at night.
3rd grader: How do you GET to the North Pole?!
Me: Well, that's Christmas magic!
3rd grader: (pretty close to full on belief now) Can you make sure Santa gets my list? I think I forgot to sign my name to it.
Me: As a matter of fact, I believe I saw your list on his desk just a couple days ago. And I saw that he put you at the TOP of his nice list, too.

She left with a BIG smile and a hug for me. The women I volunteer with explained that that was a SUPER cute Q&A session and that this must not have been my first time answering questions. She said I seemed to have all the right answers at all the right times, no hesitations at all.


Mary Moore said...

Awesome Christmas story! I never get enough of children's complete and utter innocence and naivete!

CeeCee said...

I'm betting that child will not forget the Q&A with Mrs. Claus for a very long time.

Chantelle said...

So much to comment on:

Firstly - I can't believe you guys have those Dead Sea Salt people in the States too. They always try to nab me, but I know how to outsmart them now! :)

Secondly - Poo to the Hot Iron Lady. I love that thought ahead and lied to her about your daughters hair. So smart and swift. CIA style!

Thirdly - Don't you look all fabulous as Mrs. Claus. You look great. Those red lights are freaking me out too!

Lastly - I love the Q + A session. You get an A+ for that. Well done. xx

Tenakim said...

That is too damn cute that you do that!!!

Dawn said...

I agree... what a great thing for you to do!

Your husbands comment about the angry eyes cracked me up!!

Sabrae said...

Definatly looks like the tree wanted to eat you both up! lolYou really should have bitched slapped that girl! lol

A Lawyer Mom's Musings said...

Sweet! And I love the feminist slant you gave Mrs. ______ (wife of Claus).

liz said...

Very Clausy indeed!

Merry Christmas!

Annie said...

I can just see you traipsing through the mall!

Danielle said...

Oh Dorsey, Girl, you are so it!! LOL I love reading your blog!! Love the picture!! You look great!!

Tracey said...

How cute!

Danifer said...

You look quite the part. That's a neat idea and I bet you get a lot of pleasure doing that.

Happy Holidays.

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