Tuesday, January 27, 2009

In the spirit of honesty

So I've received this lovely award recently, and from TWO people mind you. I'm a little slow on getting it up here though. Sorry gals!! Most recently it was from Annie at Cookies, Chaos, & Conversation. apparently some of you people deem me as honest, and I'll take that! hehe I TRY to be at least. So here's 7 things about myself that are 100% honest.

  1. I just today learned how our investment accounts work (before today I didn't think I needed to care, so I didn't).
  2. I am frustrated with the fact that no one will hire me to do office work, even though I know I'd KICK ASS at it.
  3. I love being 34 and feeling like I've REALLY lived my life!
  4. I eat out way too much.
  5. I shop alone because I don't want most of my friends to know my real sizes.
  6. I'm scared of what the immediate future holds for my little family.
  7. I hate to clean.
  8. I obsess about my movies being in alphabetical order.
And now I'm going to share something with you all that I hope you'll find funny. YEARS and YEARS ago I was a dating woman, OK a girl. I was 15 yrs old and had a date with a guy named James. I'll keep his last name a secret to protect the guy. He picked me up and we went out to a movie (I think). He drove a VW bug so quarters were DEFINITELY tight. After the show he asked if I wanted to go "drive around". I agreed.
Now at this point I think "drive around" is guy code for let's go find some quiet spot to sit and make out. Cool!! This guy's gonna make a move. MAN am I gonna have something to tell my BFF about on Monday!! Nope, to him, drive around mean....drive around. I kept waiting and trying to play it cool when we'd turn off onto some quiet street in the near country. Nah, he was just drivin. what I wouldn't have given for a cell phone then to have a friend call with some "emergency" that I HAD to head back for!!!
But before we did that he needed to "check in at home". Oh, that's cool. Little did I know what this REALLY meant!!! So we pull up to the house, he goes inside and I wait in the car, as previously asked. Then he comes outside, in a much more sneaky manner, and asks me to get out of the car. Oh cool! I get to meet your parents and grandmother? No ma'am! He didn't get approval to stay out any more and didn't tell them his DATE WAS IN THE CAR, so we need to sneak away from the house. OK, VW's are not known for being the QUIETEST vehicles in existence. And this one was no exception. So here I am, all gussied up in my chic lace-up flat boots, tight jeans that I could barely breathe in, and a bright (nearly florescent) pink shirt, hair perfectly coiffed...helping PUSH HIS FREAKIN CAR!!! We bushed that SOB a block and a half away (so we were out of ear shot) and then he started it up and we were on our way..to drive around some more.
About an hour and a half into "driving"...YES AN HOUR AND A HALF!!!!...we stopped for some drinks...at 7-11. He got a Big Gulp and I got a piece of candy and a small Dr. Pepper. No, for those of you who've ever ridden in a 70s VW bug you know that there's not a lot of options for drink placement. So he held his in his lap/against the steering wheel. Well, at some point something happened and he quickly grasped his cup...styrofoam cup. Oh hells yeah!! ALL over his lap it spilled!!! He pulls over to the side of the road (we're still "driving around") and gets out. I'm about to wet myself I'm holding in so much laughter!!! But I'm trying to be a lady and not simply scream "TAKE ME HOME NOW FUCKER, this is NOT a good date!!" He's outside of the car, Coke dripping from his crotch, cussing up a blue streak!!! Upon his speedy departure from the car, I turn my head towards my window and giggle softly while wiping tears from my eyes. He gets back in and having had plenty of notice by the growing sound of his approaching anger I had ample time to pull it back together myself.
I guess at this point the driving around bit had lost its thrill for him and he chose at this point to take me back home. He refused to get out of the car and walk me to the door, as his acid washed jeans looked like he'd had a horrible accident and couldn't control his-self. So I hugged him inside the car (did I mention I'd yet to have been kissed by ANY boys) and he gave me a soft peck on the cheek (TOTALLY doesn't count!). I walked up to the door, and asked if I could bring him a towel or something. When I opened the front door my mother was sitting in the living room watching TV. she looked rather puzzled as I doubled over behind the closed door and laughed uncontrollably!! I shared the story with her and when my father overheard the story he felt sorry for the guy.
But I did wonder how he got the car back in his own driveway without making any noise. Hmmm, guess it sucks to live on an uphill one-way street now. HA!


Brit' Gal Sarah said...

LMAO wow that was quite some date and I think you earned a proper kiss, although you might have snorted all over him!

Tiffany said...

LMAO I wouldn't have been able to NOT laugh in his face. I'll bet you never dated him again.

Mamalaina said...

Cute story!! :)

Annie said...

Holy date!
Thanks for playing along!Remember its not the size, its how you rock it!

Susan said...

Great story! Oh, I remember those days...you couldn't pay me a million dollars to deal with all that again! Keep up with the job search... things will come together... hey weren't you going to work at LB?

Deb@Mommie Mayhem said...

LOL great post !

Lisa said...

lmao. Great story! That'll be one for the grandkids. Just so you can show them how you were such a cool chick!

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