Lost count...

So I've lost count now of how many "fresh starts" I've made over the years of my struggle with weight loss. And it IS a struggle! Every day I struggle with my own mind. In reality, the only time it bothers me is when I go out with my friends or family. When I'm home every day, it doesn't really cross my mind.  My every-increasing waistline keeps me off the scales. I fear that little electronic device that takes up residence in the corner of my bathroom.  Nowadays the most attention it gets, is when I hit my toe on it while I stumble to the bathroom in the middle of the night. But when I have something to attend with family or friends and I need to get dressed up, I fight back tears. I go through the clothes in my closet and the pool of things that fit me and look half-way decent diminishes every day.

I want to look in the mirror, a full length mirror, and like what I see. I don't want to see numerous rolls of skin urging to burst from behind the threads in my shirt or top because what I'm wearing is not at all the right size. I want to put on a pair of high heels and know that inside of an hour I won't be begging for mercy, as my ankles just can't sustain the weight being put upon them.

I must find the determination within myself to do this the right way and stay with it! I know I can reach my goals. I have seem so many around me reach their goals and succeed. I often wonder if I put off working in the professional world, because I'm self-sabotaging my efforts.  If I am simply a "stay at home mom" (which I know is anything but simple) then I won't have to worry about dressing up and going out. I stay at home.

Our neighborhood pool is open again this summer. I'm wondering if I can get back into the routine I was in last year. Go to the pool around 8am and do laps, while supplementing that with working out at home on the xBox Kinect. Tonight I will step on the scale. Tonight I will write down in a small journal that I carry with me what that weight is when I step on the scale. Tonight I will write in that journal everything I ate or  drank today. Tonight I will start fresh.