Definitions

Every wonder what defines you in the eyes of other people? I have come to wonder this many times over the past few months. Am I defined by the fact that I'm a mother and wife? Am I defined by the fact that I do not have a job that pays money? Am I defined by the fact that I am an overweight woman? Am I defined by my house and home?

There are nine definitions found on dictionary.com when I searched the word woman. They are as follows:
1. the female human being (distinguished from man).

2. an adult female person.

3. a female attendant to a lady of rank.

4. a wife.

5. the nature, characteristics, or feelings often attributed to women; womanliness.

6. a sweetheart or paramour; mistress.

7. a female employee or representative: A woman from the real estate agency called.

8. a female person who cleans house, cooks, etc.; housekeeper: The woman will be in to clean today.

9. women collectively: Woman is no longer subordinate to man.

I have yet to start a regular exercise routine, though I have been waking my son and husband so that they can go run on a regular basis. Most mornings I wake up between 4:00am and 5:00am. I don't typically go back to bed and wait for the alarm to go off at either 6:00am or 7:00am. I wander upstairs, log onto the computer, and take care of miscellaneous activities there.

I do not want to be defined by my weight, yet I fear that it is more of an identifier in my life than the fact that I am a woman. I am making a promise to myself to do something about my current situation. To no longer worry about how other see me, but instead to change the way I see myself. Even when those pants I wear to work out in might be a little tighter than I'd prefer, and my shape does nothing to match the one on my screen when I exercise with EA Active, I will strive to be more. I will be more than an overweight individual, more than a woman, more than now while working to take up less space.

Scale? What scale?

It has actually been more than two months since I stepped on a scale. I'm not sure if it has something to do with the fact that my husband moved it from its normal home in the bathroom to the closet, or if it is just my own personal nonviolent protest taking place.

I have done a lot of thinking and retooling my life as of late.

I'm having to work with my son almost daily to get his grades up and keep him out of summer school. He is supposed to be going to Summer Leadership School for ROTC this as well. This starts the first week after school lets out for the year. But if he isn't able to skate by on his grades, then he won't be able to attend that either. I'd LOVE for him to be able to go take advantage of this opportunity, but I will not have him miss summer school if that is the case. I have even taken the time to plot out his next four years in school and plan on showing it to him later this week.

My daughter seems to be on the straight and narrow for the most part. She's only slacking in Math, which is somewhat of a pet peeve of mine considering I'm kind of a math geek. But overall she's holding up her end of the bargain. She isn't doing much in the way of extra-curricular, but that'll come later, I suppose. The only thing I'd change there is her willingness to help out with normal household chores, but this is something that we ALL need help with from time to time.

I've resigned myself to taking ownership of the truck recently as well. We have a pretty newer convertible that I rarely get to drive. Most days hubby takes it to work, citing the excuse of having to drive across town and requiring the vehicle that gets the better gas mileage. Personally, I believe it is simply so he can feel somewhat cool and take all his work buddies out to lunch while enjoying the warm weather, clear skies, and wind in his hair. Now, however, the truck is not running. Well it WILL run, but in essence will not stop properly. There is a leak in the brake line and hubby insists he can fix it and have me running back to new in no time. However his "no time" and mine are not exactly the same. I believe he uses this as a ploy to keep me grounded at home and away from anywhere that might take credit cards as a form of payment. QUITE annoying, I assure you! Yes, he spouts this whole..."get a job and start making car payments and you can have the convertible any time you want" b.s., but I have a sneaking suspicion that even when THAT becomes the case, there will be another convenient reason for my having to drive the truck (see gas/mileage issue from before).

But I am trying to better myself too, not just my children (however feeble that attempt may seem right now in regards to the kids). I'm trying to take a little bit of time out of every day for a bible study of sorts. This is not to say I'm meeting with other people, I'm just working through some devotional books and trying to find some personal time for just me and God. I try to go outside and sit at the picnic table if the weather is nice. Otherwise I tend to sit at the kitchen table and do my studies. I usually have some sort of notebook with me where I jot down notes about what I'm reading and my own personal thoughts on the topic. I also have been trying to write out a little prayer related to that day's readings. This has really been helping, I feel. It gives me a sense of peace about my life and helps to feed my soul.

I am continuing to work through my medical transcription online, and am hopeful that I won't need to file for an extension on the program. If I really get serious about it, I should be able to be finished by the end of July to middle of July. Then, fingers crossed, I'll be able to find employment and feel better about contributing on a monetary level in this family.

Yesterday morning, the rest of the family went out for a run. Hubby likes to run for exercise and tells me I don't know how to run (because I'm more of a jogger/walker and wasn't trained to run in the military). The boy will have to do daily runs at Summer Leadership School and the ROTC program at school is encouraging them to run on a regular basis in order to not have their system totally shocked when they get to camp. The girl says she's cool with walking, and some jogging, but isn't really keen on the whole running gig. She came back early yesterday after the initial jogging/warm-up portion of their routine. Supposedly they are going to give this another go this morning. Let's see if this time the boy comes back and goes back to bed. I'm thinking I won't let him, as I have a list of assignments that have no grades entered in the teachers' gradebooks (or rather they DO have a grade, of zero!).

I need to get back into a regular exercise regimen, as I know that will be the secret to my weight loss success. I need to commit fully a whole three months to exercising without missing any days. If I am still struggling at the end of that time, then I have thought of looking into bariatric surgery. However, I truly feel in my heart that if I were to maintain a good exercise routine and continue eating like I know I should, then surgery would definitely not be needed or warranted.

Thank you friends for being there, and I'm sorry I've been so sporadic about my posting. Right now, Renee at CutieBootyCakes is my hero!! She has done a phenomenal job of getting into shape and looks AMAZING!! Way to go, gal! I think of you daily!

Stress and Weight Loss

I often wonder how stress will affect my weight loss. I have heard on many occasions that this phenomenom will cause you to gain weight, ultimately. Historically, most people turn to food when they feel stress coning on in their lives, hence the word choice of "comfort food" to help ease your troubled mind. They grab their favorite snack or meal and just keep eating until that cozy feeling of calm washes over them. I feel differently, though. In my personal experience, when stress begins to creep into my existence, my appetite falls off. Yes, I stop eating! Not altogether mind you, but certainly less than when I'm genuinely happy with life.

However, this time, I seem to be plateauing. I think that is because when I feel these pressures, I also stop exercising. This is incredibly perplexing to me, since I know that when I exercise I seem to escape into a different world for those brief times, and my worries almost sweat off of me with the unwanted weight. I also tend to have a greater affinity for naps when I'm feeling down. This is likely brought on by the fact that my migraines increase substantially as well. So instead of taking something for the pain and trudging through, I lay down and sleep for a couple hours hoping the pain will be fooled into going away while I slumber.

I'm currently dealing with a problem that I have become all too familiar with in the past years, my son's grades/schoolwork. He's 14 years old, just days away from 15, a freshman at high school...and one of the most unmotivated kids I think I've ever encountered when it comes to schoolwork. Every day it's the same conversation: "Have any homework?" "Nope. Finished it already." Or the ever popular: "Why didn't you turn in that assignment today?" "Our teacher wasn't here, so I couldn't turn it in." Well, that school certainly needs to take some of our taxes and work on a more effective preventative program with regards to their teachers and insurance, because far too many of them get sick far too often!!

I get very little from the teachers themselves, until there's a problem, of course. But I am trying. He's asked me if I can give him two days to turn things around. Time to get several assignments turned in, get some of his failing grades up. I've informed him that if at the end of this time I do not see marked improvement, then he and I will be attending morning tutorials TOGETHER in any class where he is not currently passing. I will be sending out numerous emails in the morning to inform his teachers of this fact, as well. I would love to say that I have every faith in him that he WILL turn things around, but sadly I don't. I have religious faith, faith in things I have not seen, but this faith is going to require evidence to return.

Thank you friends, for sticking with me through this. I think tonight I'll try out a new Wii game I just got (Just Dance), on top of doing some more Wii Fit Plus.

Wii will beat this!

We got the Wii back a couple of weeks ago. Today I got the balance board working and got to try out the Wii Fit Plus game. Can I just say I LOVE this game! The added "games" are super cute!! I have yet to try out the personalized workout, but plan on giving that a shot tomorrow. I think I'll do Wii Fit every day for 30 minutes and then also do the EA Active on the scheduled days (two days on, one day off). I'm hoping that'll be enough to jump start me.

I did the body test on Wii Fit, and was pleased to see that I had not gained any in my time off of blogging. I enjoyed our Spring Break mini-vacay for sure!!! We went to my sister's/parents' and then spent some time with my in-laws. Overall we had a GREAT time and also got to see my sister and nephew break out their mad skills on Wii Fit at their house. I WISH I'd have taken video of my sister doing the Super Hula Hoop, it was HILARIOUS!!! Apparently it helps to twirl your hand above your head while hula hooping..hehehe

So I'd better get back to supper. Here's my stats for today:

Breakfast:
1 cup hot tea with TruVia
1 apple

Lunch:
3/4 cup Seafood salad
Reduced fat crackers

Snack:
1 cup frozen strawberries w/o sugar

Supper: Tuna Helper

Exercise:
35 minutes on Wii Fit Plus

Car trouble, pretty weather, and annoying men...

So this whole weekend has been REALLY nice! The weather has been around the high 60s and so I've had the windows open and enjoyed the savings in not running the heater or air conditioner. I've taken a few walks about the neighborhood and am really feeling better all around!

We currently own three cars, yes three. One is a 2000 Dodge Ram 1500 Pickup truck, one is a 2008 Chrysler Sebring Convertible, and lastly is the 1991 Chevrolet Cavalier. This last one was bought cheap to be the Hubby's work car as it used less gas than the truck when he was going to and from work. Of course, since getting the convertible THAT has become the new "work car" for him. The Cavalier has been out of commission and parked in the garage for some time now. For some reason it won't start. We've replaced spark plugs, spark plug wires, ignition coils, and more...and still nothing. This car has been earmarked for the boy. Sure, its a piece of shit, but its four wheels and so many young people DON'T have transportation upon turning 16. That having been said, I've told the boy that his dad (Hubby) is more likely to work on it if he (son) asks his dad (Hubby) to HELP him with the car. And since son's grades are less than stellar right now, and he can't get on the computer, this is really his only option for "something to do" on the weekends. They started working on the car yesterday. Today they think they have it narrowed down to the ignition module. So the saga continues... The boy turns 15 April 3rd and is hoping to have the care running by then so he can practice in the car he'll be driving. I'm just hoping the weather holds out.

Lately my husband has decided that he wants to have some fun annoying me. and the object of this annoyance is his facial hair. He's one of those guys that can grow a full on beard in a week easy. And he's had a full beard since early fall. But he decided that it was getting too itchy, the weather was warming up, and he wanted to shave it. But instead of just shaving down to a mustache (my personal preference)..he's on a hair crusade. Here's a visual:

Starting with the beard

His words: "Phase 1 of driving the wife crazy. Next phase is likely removing the thin sideburns. Suggestions?

Again his words..."Phase 2, removing the mustache 'Hetfield Light' is complete. Thanks for the suggestion, Dave!"

He knows I detest a goatee on him and now he's thinking about transitioning from a goatee to a soul patch...Ugh!! Yikes! If he were a heavier sleeper I'd shave it in his sleep!! He's posting these pictures on Facebook and asking his friends for suggestions on what he should do next. I guess my only solace is knowing that in a week's time this little "experiment" will be OVER!! Ugh!

This past week I DID send the Wii off for repairs, so hopefully it'll be back before the end of the month and I'll be able to resume Wii workouts too!!

I haven't weighed in today, likely will tomorrow. Happy dieting friends!

Planning out menus

So part of my greatest successes has come when I sat down and planned out what the family (or at the very least, the Hubby and I) would be having for dinner every night. So I sit down with a print shop program, a stack of recipe books/cards, and do just that. I try to do this a month in advance, though some times (like today) I've been too preoccupied to do so and have to wing it once in a while.

Here's a picture of one of the menu plans:


Feel free to click on the picture for a more clear view of the items listed within. If by some chance we have leftovers one night, or deviate from the plan, then I just cross it out and write the next month's name over that date. So that way that date's food just gets thrown into the rotation for the coming days.

Tonight I think I'm going to wing it with grilled chicken salads for the whole family. We all tend to really like salad nights, and I'm thrilled to say when we DO have salads, the kids even join us!! About half of the time, they turn their noses up at what I'm making and opt for a sandwich or other such quickie-food. I don't keep a lot of snack-type junk food in the house, so usually I don't mind if they choose to fend for themselves.

Well, I need to get to it and go make supper (then come back in here and work on March's menu). Happy dieting friends!

To anime or not to anime....

Alright, this is NOT about weight loss, but rather something I'm seeking some advice on.

Last night my daughter (currently 12 yrs old) asked if I could help her put together an anime outfit for a friend's birthday party. Her and her friends have been into anime for a while. She watches it on you tube ALL THE TIME! I always laugh since she has to be able to hear it, even though it is all subtitled and spoken in Japanese (and no, she doesn't speak Japanese or understand it...she reads the whole darn thing).

So I start thinking, sure! Its a cute idea for a costume party. Then when the hubby comes home she tells him that they will go on from the friend's house to an anime convention in Dallas. THIS made me stop for a second. I would post pictures I've seen of other anime convention goers, but they are SO NSFW (not safe for work)!!

So my question is, am I just being overprotective by thinking it is not such a good idea to take a bunch of 13 yr old girls all dressed up (and mind you my daughter HAS been mistaken for a high school and/or college-aged girl before) to an anime convention?

Oh my aching legs!!

Yesterday was a GORGEOUS day here!!! The sun was out, there was a slight breeze, and temperature was cozy (not too cold, not too hot). It wasn't the perfect day, temperature-wise, but it was pretty close. So I went to early service at church and after Sunday school decided my plan for the day. I sat in Chili's eating a nice salad and figured I'd go for a brisk walk for my exercise for the day and then wash the convertible (it has REALLY needed it).

I got home, changed clothes, and then decided I needed to recruit others to join me. It was easy convincing the dog, she's ALWAYS willing to leave the house. Hubby thought it was a good idea, but wanted to shower, grab a bite to eat, and change clothes first. My daughter was ready and willing to get out of the house (and skirt any chance of having to clean anything). My son decided to stay home and pick up stuff around here rather than walk with us. No biggie, I figured at much.

So off we went. I had already planned our route in advance. We were going to walk to the skate park. I did NOT plan that this would be quite an undertaking. The distance is about a mile and a half. When we'd gotten in front of the middle schools (somewhere around 1/2 of the distance) I could feel my hips and upper thighs SCREAMING at me. They were pleading with me to STOP! GO HOME! END THIS INSANITY! But I kept on. Granted, I would slow down and keep up the back area of our little group from time to time. I felt what was important to consider though was that I kept going!! My husband would pick on me for slowing, but I just took that opportunity to remind him that my pace was not what he should be concentrating on, rather the fact that I was determined to complete this walk. And finish I did!!

We made it to the skate park, sat down to rest, and take in the show the local boys were putting on. I think they might have thought my daughter was about 16-17 years old, as they seemed to stay in her line of sight most of the time and tried to pull out their best tricks. hehe One of them even said to one of the younger boys, "Here, I'll show you how its done." My dear dog appreciated the rest as well. She sat in my lap and just relaxed for a few minutes before demanding we give her some love through scratchings.

After a short break we made our way back home. It might have taken a little longer to get to the house than we'd anticipated, but no worries. No need to call the boy and have him drive the car down to pick us up. hehe We got home and remedied the only regret I had throughout the whole trip. I'd forgotten to bring any water and the fountains at the skate park were not working. We all drank plenty of water and got rehydrated. Then we decided to play some board games. We played Settlers of Catan and then Uno to cap off the afternoon.

I made spaghetti for supper and then the Hubby and I took in some TV and were off to sleep around 9:30pm or so. A little earlier than normal, but we'd REALLY been tuckered out on our walk. So all in all, I'd do the same walk again, but next time I'll REMEMBER the water!!

Celebrating a small success!!!

So although I've been less than wonderfully dedicated to the exercise cause, I have been watching my eating (and writing it down) which is HELPING!!! I'm down 6lbs since last week! And by normal standards that is a lot, but when you're over 280lbs, it is understandable. I weighed in last Saturday afternoon and I was topping out at 284.5lbs...this afternoon the scale read 278.5. Yay, me!!!

My top weight has been 284.5lbs and quite frankly it scared me! My husband stated that he was more worried about me developing diabetes and that kind of woke me up again. I had FOR SURE been sleeping on the healthy job in the past several months.

I had a Tastefully Simple party last night where we tried all kinds of yummy foods. Jennifer Longstreet came by to do the party and she did a GREAT job!! Please feel free to click on her name and shoot her an email if you're ever in need of any products. I plan on incorporating several seasonings and things into my regular cooking schedule. I have to celebrate my keeping up with that schedule! I've diligently made a schedule of supper plans for two months now. And only about 3 nights a month ave we strayed from the game plan. I'm going to sit down tomorrow after church and make up March's menu. Perhaps some time I'll share my more tasty recipes with all of you!

Well, I'm off to watch one of my favorite classic musicals (Annie). I always preferred the older one with Bernadette Peters, Carol Burnett, and such... and possibly enjoy a small bowl of popcorn with the show. =) Laters, friends!

To loop or not to loop...

So since I'm a stay-at-home mom I peruse the channels on TV rather often. And there seems to be a lot of bariatric surgery (both stomach stapling and lap-band) commercials on during the day. And as I struggle through all this and fight my impulses NOT to work out (I truly detest the practice on a whole), I wonder if that option would make things better. Being severely obese (which I am at more than 100lbs overweight) I think this might make things easier.

But SHOULD things be easier? I mean, grated it was incredibly easy to put this weight on over the years, but perhaps it SHOULD be a struggle to take it off again. Maybe in that struggle you find your true strength and begin to appreciate those thinner days so many years ago. Or by chance, it makes you happier to STAY healthy when you DO achieve your goals, because you know how much work it would take to get there again.

I'm sure our insurance would kick in in the payment arena, being that I have a family history of diabetes and such. But I'm thinking that I NEED to just bite the bullet and struggle through. I do not judge others that have taken the surgical route at all! We each must decide our paths for ourselves. And I believe my path rotates on a loop upstairs in the gameroom and goes by the name of treadmill.